Power & Control v. Equality

V = Violence
E = Equality

1V. Using Intimidation

Making partner (ex-) afraid by using looks, actions, gestures; smashing things; destroying property; abusing pets; displaying weapons

v.

1E. Non-threatening Behavior

Talking & acting so that s/he feels safe and comfortable expressing herself and doing things

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2V. Using Emotional Abuse

Putting partner (ex-) down; manipulation; name calling; making the partner think s/he is crazy; playing mind games; humiliation; creating feelings of guilt

v.

2E. Respect

Listening to her non-judgmentally; being emotionally affirming and understanding; valuing opinions

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3V. Using Isolation

Controlling what partner (ex-) does, sees, talks to, reads, where s/he goes; limiting outside involvement; using jealousy to justify actions

v.

3E. Trust and Support

Supporting her goals in life; respecting her rights to her own feelings, friends, activities and opinions

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4V. Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming

Making light of the abuse and not taking concerns about abuse seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior

v.

4E. Honesty and Accountability

Accepting responsibility for self; acknowledging past use of violence; admitting being wrong; communicating openly and truthfully

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5V. Using Children

Creating guilty feelings about the children; using the children to relay messages; using visitation to harass the partner (ex-); threatening to take the children away

v.

5E. Responsible Parenting

Sharing parental responsibilities; being a positive non-violent role model for the children

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6V. Using Privilege

Treating partner (ex-) like a servant; making all the big decisions; acting like the 'master of the castle'; being the one to define men's and women's roles; rigid gender roles

v.

6E. Shared Responsibility

Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work; making family decisions together

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7V. Using Economic Abuse

Preventing the partner (ex-) from getting or keeping a job; making partner (ex-) ask for money; allocating an allowance; taking partner's (ex's) money; not informing or limiting access to family income

v.

7E. Economic Partnership

Making money decisions together; making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements

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8V. Using Coercion & Threats

Making &/or carrying out threats; threatening to leave, to commit suicide, to report partner (ex-) to welfare; making partner (ex-) drop charges, do illegal things

v.

8E. Negotiation & Fairness

Seeking mutually satisyfing resolutions to conflict; accepting change; being willing to compromise

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This list is adapted from two wheels (pie charts) distributed by:

Domestic Abuse Intervention Project
Duluth, Minnesota